There is no way that we can imagine getting through a situation where a family member is terminally ill, without awareness of the disease and its manifestations, a heads up on how soon to expect death, or how we can take care of ourselves and them in the best way possible. It is evident that the idea of caring for a loved one who might pass on soon is disconcerting and scary. Many of us would’ve rarely encountered that kind of situation before. No one can prepare us for the experience of providing care for a seriously ill family member or friend. When sickness strikes someone close to us, there may be a sense of chaos, urgency, and confusion.
It is natural under these circumstances to feel more stressed. Stress can affect our sleep and our appetite. It can make us feel tired all the time, anxious, or just numb. We may also experience these other feelings:
- Guilt—Because we’re “enjoying” while our loved one is suffering. Or because we’re not calling often enough, or we’re calling too often. Maybe because we’re spending money while they’re sick in bed. Or because we’re away someone else has to care for them.
- Fear—What if they need another operation? Or what if it recurs? What if things get worse? What if they die?
- Annoyance—That this is happening, that our loved one is suffering and maybe could die, and that it’s making it hard for us to enjoy our time in college—which maybe we feel we “shouldn’t even be thinking,” but this awful situation can force these feelings on we
- Loneliness—Because we might be far from home, and it seems harder to talk with newer friends. It might also feel harder to speak with our ailing loved one. And we wonder, is there anyone else here facing this kind of situation? Who could really understand some of what we’re going through?
While these feelings are natural, here are some strategies for dealing with caregiver stress:
- Get centered – Stop, for just a moment, and look at our daily routine. Are we getting enough nutritious food? Enough sleep? Are we able to go for a walk, even around the grounds of the hospital? Take a minute to make sure we include some element of self-care.
- Get connected – Meet the doctors and caregivers involved in our loved one’s treatment. Explore resources for support in our community. Hospitals usually have counselors and others who can be reached out to, and help us navigate this experience.
- Get support – It can be easy to isolate and lose touch with our friends and family, however, having concerned others who can be there for we is vital. Allow others in. Friends and family can be a vital part of our wellness team.
- Get control – It may feel right now like nothing is within our control. Serious illness or injury can sweep through our life like a force of nature. What can we control right now? Making decisions about mundane tasks like what to wear or what to have for dinner can add a tiny spot of normalcy. Getting control may also mean knowing our limitations and saying “No” when we need to.
Finally, get hope – When someone is diagnosed with a serious illness, it may be hard to know what the future holds. we may find ourselves wavering between hoping for the best and yet fearing the worst. we are not alone in this state of confusion. Finding peace and balance can come as we work through the barrage of feelings, thoughts, and fears that are an inherent part of serious medical crises. Reach out to our support system, and allow others to help.
Life holds no guarantees, but knowing this doesn’t make it any easier when we face a medical crisis. we are not alone. Allow others to help, find quiet moments for reflection alone as well as connect with our loved one who is ill, and if we begin to feel our level of distress is overwhelming, reach out and talk to someone we trust.