We’ve all been blessed with heart-breaking situations where people have wronged us or things haven’t gone the way we would like. Moving past them is difficult.
If you’ve ended a relationship, job or time in your life, it’s tough to let go and move on. Your logical mind gets sucked up into the drama of the monkey. You start to think of “what if’s” and “if only” that your monkey mind creates to add even more drama and negative feelings.
It would be so much easier to just let go and move on with your life, but the monkey won’t let you. You try to let go. You move on to the next relationship or job. Just when things seem to be going well again, the old thoughts start to arise again, sabotaging things.
Why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget?
1. You are afraid of change: Letting go is hard because it means that you need to free yourself from some aspects of your past. You can find letting go to be scary. It forces you to change and face uncertainty and this means leaving behind what is usual and comfortable for you. Sometimes it feels easier to stay put and not take the chance thus, leaving you to be resistant to change.
2. Low self-worth: Letting go may be extremely difficult for you especially if you have low self-worth. You may be one of the people who talk bad about themselves. You probably think that you’re ugly, or that you’re a failure, or that you deserve all the negative things that has happened to you.
3. The Need to Be Right: Because you’ve been wronged and your monkey needs to prove itself right. Safety is the monkey mind’s number one priority, and being wrong is not safe. The monkey will go out of its way to dream up all the reasons that you were right and the other person or aspects of the situation were wrong.
4. Letting go of the past: Letting go of aspects of your past – aspects of you. It also means letting go of your expectations of how things should have been. Unfortunately, it’s all in the past and there’s nothing you can do about it. The drama, the holding on, is in your own mind.
5. Let It Be: The only meaning that anything has is the meaning you give it. If you were wronged, it’s because you told yourself that you were, and then you make up a story about that. Could you look at the situation differently or more objectively? Could you create a different story about it? What lessons could you then glean from the whole mess? How could it help you?
How to let go? What is it that you are clinging on to – your past, your future, your ego, or perhaps all the above? It is essential to be honest with yourself, even if you don’t want to admit the truth to anyone else.
1. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts: How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts.
2. Create physical distance: It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that you should distance yourself from the person or situation that is causing you to be upset.
3. Do your own work: Focusing on yourself is important. You have to make the choice to address the hurt that you’ve experienced. When you think about a person who caused you pain, bring yourself back to the present. Then, focus on something that you’re grateful for.
4. Be gentle with yourself: If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion.
5. Allow the negative emotions to flow: If your fear of feeling negative emotions is causing you to avoid them, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Rather than feeling them, people just try to shut them out, which can disrupt the process of letting go.
6. Accept that the other person may not apologize: Waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you will slow down the process of letting go. If you’re experiencing hurt and pain, it’s important you take care of your own healing, which may mean accepting that the person who hurt you isn’t going to apologize.
7. Engage in self-care: When we are hurting, it often feels like there is nothing but hurt. Practising self-care can look like setting boundaries, saying no, doing the things that bring us joy and comfort, and listening to our own needs first.
8. Surround yourself with people who fill you up: This simple yet powerful tip can help carry you through a lot of hurt. We can’t do life alone, and we can’t expect ourselves to get through our hurts alone
9. Give yourself permission to talk about it & forgive: When you’re dealing with painful feelings or a situation that hurt you, it’s important to give yourself permission to talk about it. Forgiveness is vital to the healing process because it allows you to let go of anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feeling you may be experiencing and move on.
10. Seek professional help: If you’re struggling to let go of a painful experience, you may benefit from talking to a professional. Sometimes it’s difficult to implement these tips on your own, and you need an experienced professional to help guide you through the process.
These are some of the reasons why letting go is hard to do. However, it is important to remember that letting go and moving on is not something that can instantly happen to you. Just like falling in love, letting go is a process.
You are the only one with the power to let it go.
Call/WhatsApp Ms Seema Agarwal: +91 98205 76682